Gastradamus
Did you know that pizza hut had a delivery driver named James Spiers who acted in self defense by using his gun during a robbery?

Captain America
I wasn’t aware of that, what’s the story?

Gastradamus
Some broad ordered delivery from Pizza Hut at an apartment building. James went to the building to deliver the pizza and said he was being robbed at gunpoint by a man. This man ended up being the ladies fiancee who initially called Pizza Hut. There was some sort of lobby where this took place and during the hold up, James and the duech bag fiancee of the twat who ordered pizza were battling and James won. During their battle James shot the dirt bag multiple times and lived happily ever after.

Captain America
Happily Ever after is kind of vague, what happened to him?

Gastradamus
He lost his job

Captain America
Well did he get any unemployment or anything? Why exactly did they fire him when he was doing the right thing.

Gastradamus
Because Pizza Hut has a policy in which their drivers cannot carry guns. They gave James severance pay for a couple of months

Captain America
Well that sounds fair to me, if that was their policy then I guess that decision made sense.

Gastradamus
Speaking of cents, how much did Pizza Hut pay you to be their mascot?

Captain America
That information is classified

Gastradamus
Come on Captain America, just tell me. What is this, one of those, “if I tell you im going to have to kill you” bits.

Captain America
Absolutely not, Capital Punishment is unconstitutional.

Gastradamus
Well it seems like you have all the answers for Pizza Hut. What about the worker who was caught masterbating