“Yeah, I just gave the baby rice”, Ray said.

“Your not suppose to give a baby rice”, Hillary said.

“No, it’s Not regular rice, it’s the Gerber version”, he replied.

“You know they can choke on that right”, she stated.

“Did you not just hear this man?, I asked . He gave his baby infant rice, clean out your fucking ears”, I told her.

“Yeah, what kind of father do you think I am”? Ray said

“Is your baby breast fed”? She asked.

Now before we go any further, I’m going to introduce you to my character the way my English teachers would have hated. Hello my name is Jerry and im going to talk about what happened before the conversation spiraled out of control. I, Jerry am the guy who said that funny thing about cleaning out your fucking ears. Clever I know, but the dialogue only gets better. Anyway or is it anyhow? Who the fuck cares, you know what I’m trying to say.

Before Hillary came into the picture, it was just me and Ray or is it Ray and me? Maybe the proper way to put is Ray and I, but like I said before, I don’t really give a fuck about proper terminology or repeating words like proper or fuck in the same sentence. Quit reading if you can’t handle it, tampons are cheap enough.

We were outside of the restaurant we work at called, “Fat Boys”. It was a BBQ joint, with good food and hot servers who wore short Jean shorts and black tank tops that are cleavage friendly. All we had as cooks were black pants and black shirts.

In the back of the kitchen there’s a door that leads to a porch like setting or patio. It’s where people step outside to have a smoke or do other things. A few feet further to the right outside is a shed where certain materials from the restaurant are stored. The shed has two doors with one of them usually open. Let’s just say that if both of the doors are shut, than that means you don’t go in, it’s an unspoken rule.

Ray and I had just walked outside and were smoking cigarettes. We were talking about the weather and how hot it was outside and than the conversation went to food, which is usually where it went with him.

Ray was a fat middle aged man who was bald and lazy and never worked more than 20 hours a week, which probably isn’t the best idea when you have a new born baby, but it is what it is I guess, the guy had his issues.

One day I saw him stuff his face in a pork butt and it wasn’t a pretty site, but what are you gonna do? They say obesity is a disease and I never judged him for it. He was a kind person, and I didn’t mind talking with him.

“So, what did you have for dinner last night Jerry”?, Ray asked me.

The door from the kitchen opened and a beautiful server named Hillary came walking out of it. She had long blond hair, tan skin, legs like the ones zz top sang about, and the most luxurious tits on par with the best in show.

“I had McDonald’s”. I said

“Boring response, Ray said. I need more, everyone knows that a good story is in the details”, he finished.

“I had my usual, I said. A big Mac, quarter pounder, small fries and a Coke”…

I could see his mouth watering like the fat kid from Willy Wonka who got stuck in the chocolate tube.

“That sounds pretty tasty,” Ray replied.

Hillary was in the background smoking a cigarette close to the shed.

“What about you, Ray? Eat anything eventful”? I asked…

“Nathan’s hot dogs”, Ray replied…

“Oh yeah, how many”? I asked

“The whole bag”, Ray replied.

Damn Ray, thats a lot of food, don’t you have a baby to feed? I asked in a joking manner.

Don’t worry, I’m not one of these people who believe in controlling what other people eat, I’m just a jokester.

“I just gave the baby rice”, Ray said.

“Your not suppose to give a baby rice”, Hillary said.

Out of nowhere, Hillary budged into our conversation

“No, it’s Not regular rice, it’s the Gerber version”, Ray said…

“You know they can choke on that right”, she stated…

I felt it was time to step in at this point
“Did you not just hear this man?, I asked . He gave his baby infant rice, clean out your fucking ears”, I told her…

“Yeah, what kind of father do you think I am”? Ray said…

“Is your baby breast fed”? She asked.

Ray was a nice guy, but he could get emotional.

“I’ve had it with you Hillary, I’m going inside”, Ray said.

“Come on, Ray, don’t go”, I said.

“I’m done”, Ray replied.

He opened the door and closed it behind us…

“What was that about Hillary”? I asked.

“Well, it’s important that mother’s breastfeed their babies, because they come out more natural”, Hillary said…

“Natural, how”? I asked…

“Like, they come out more smart. Kids that use formula are more likely to have issues growing up”, she said…

“I guess that means I’m fucked”, I said…

“Why”, she asked…

“Well Hillary, I wasn’t breastfed as A child”, I told her..

“Sorry”, she replied.

“So… You think you can fill me in with what I’ve missed”? I asked her.

Pretty ballsy question, I know. But I’m a confident guy who uses words like butt at the beginning of sentence and gets away with it because I’m a great writer. Now, I left the way I look out of this one, because words cannot describe the attraction I send towards women, so just picture the best looking fella you can, and that will be me.

“I know just the place”, Hillary said.

She grabbed me by the hand and led me to the shed and closed both of the doors