Just chilling, somewhat outside enjoying a summer fall. The rain was sprinkling, the temp was just right coming from the breeze. We were hanging out at a pals garage, so we had the best of both worlds. On the inside was a great bachelor’s pad that had TVs, Video games, top of the line furniture and beer, a lot of fucking brew, maybe too many for some folks to drive.
With the garage door being open we could see from the inside what the night had to offer. I’ve already described the rain falling on a summer night and if you’d like a better visual of the setting there were a couple of cars parked in the driveway and than there was the road. You could see most of the houses straight across from the street and their vehicles, not to mention a semi view of the houses on the right and the left.
When I got there my two friends were playing video games. While they were battling it out on Madden, which is a football game, I was just enjoying the night sitting on a chair that was positioned slightly outside the garage.
I was smoking a cigarette, relaxing, not bothered by the slight drizzle when out of nowhere a dark suv pulled up and parked in the middle of the street directly in the front of the house.
I looked back and was going to tell them what was up, when I noticed Will stumbling up from his seat.
“Hey, don’t be such a pussy. ” Arnold said. “It’s not my fault I’m whooping your ass at Madden, be a fucking man about it twirpito”, He told Will.
I think Arnold may have thought Will was being a sore loser when he stood up, because he was beating him pretty bad at Madden, but he must have been unaware of the car outside.
“Calm your shit”, Will responded. “I ordered some food from uber and when I finish it I’m going flop on you like a blue footed bootie would in the heat of the night”, he finished.
“Oh, so your Mr Geography now? What the fuck do you know about National Geographic”? He asked.
I began to laugh after the exchange of words between my two Padres as Will passed by me to get his food.
“Ha”, I said.
The next thing I’m going to do in this story is describe the appearances of all of the characters, that way I don’t get shit from my 2% of critics that say I’m not being descriptive enough.
We were all in our mid twenties and pretty fit.
Arnold had blond hair combed over like a kid from the 1950s. I never quite understood why there’s a b in that words comb, but spell check says it’s correct, so I’m just going to go with the flow, anyway his haircut may have been from the 50s but he wore a pink blazer that must have been from the 80s with a white wife beater under it and black dress pants and some styling white shoes.
Will had a his hair bleached, which was a trending hairstyle in the 90s. He had on one of those black cotton t-shirts from the early millinium that said HONAR ROOLE but was spelled wrong on purpose. His pants were tight blue jeans and he wore AIR JORDANS from the 90s, the ones that were Red and black which were fucking awesome.
I had on a white Hanes T-shirt, with black sweat pants and some white NIKES. I was bald, but very fit to where the lack of hair didn’t matter none.
“Did you know Uber delivered food? Arnold asked”.
“No, I wasn’t aware of that, I wonder if they deliver hookers”, I said.
“That would be convenient”, Arnold responded.
Will came walking up with a big ass McDonald’s bag. This thing was so fucking huge that you wouldn’t believe it.
“Damn mofo, how much did you order”? Arnold asked.
Hey don’t judge me, ive been drinking and I’ve got the drunken monkeys, Will responded.
“Don’t you mean the drunken munchies”?, Arnold replied.
“HOLY SHIT that McDonald’s bad is huge”! , I said. That thing is big enough to be gift wrap. Maybe you could hold onto it one day and give it to a fat fucking friend”, I finished.
Years went by and I gained massive amounts of weight. Arnold and Will remained fit and married breathtaking bitches, don’t tell them I said that about their wife’s. It turned out that being bald mattered more than I thought it would when my rocks hard abs turned into jelly rolls. Its my birthday soon, and for the past 10 years, I’ve been getting all my gifts from Arnold and Will in that big ass McDonald’s bag that I will never forget from that summer fall.