Something told me to get out of bed this morning. It was a Checkers commercial advertising $1 Fries any size that gave me the ability to get up. I was still coping with the trauma Sharon , AKA “The McDonald’s bitch” had caused. How could she be so cuntlike? This teasing queef really hurt my feelings, so much that I’ve haven’t left my bed in a few days, but when I saw that Checkers commercial with any size fries for a dollar, I knew that things were going to get better, no matter what song was playing on my way there…

“Hey I just met you

And this is crazy

So here’s my number

So call me maybe”.

As I pulled up to the checkers in my black Dodge charger, that song was playing on the radio, I didn’t really give two fucks about that tune, I can turn it down I guess, it’s not like it’s going to matter in a few seconds. I think I’ll just let it play out for some reason.

The facade of Checkers hasn’t changed much over the years. You’ve got the entrance that gives people the ability to walk up and order their food. There’s a order window and a pickup window and the only thing out of the ordinary was an old sticker machine. It was the kind you’d put a quarter in and twist, which would pop out one of those clear plastic containers with your prize inside. Kind of out place, but if it makes people happy than maybe it has a purpose.

There were two drive thru lanes on
the right and the left. They were tightly compacted like a fresh vag and let’s not forget to mention those big ass red polls made of concrete placed viciously close to the drive thru lanes. There was also a patio for customers to eat there food or a place for neighborhood bums to beg for it and or sleep. Which was not too far from the parking spots, which is why it is always wise to leave your doors locked at checkers.

I couldn’t help but notice an old white car in one of those spots. It was covered in stickers that said things like, “Groovy” or “Peace” . It had so many different quotes covering the car that It would take me forever to go over them all with you. I’m not going to hold your hand anymore and bore you with these hippy slogans, this isn’t the reading fucking rainbow. The show got cancelled because it was fucking boring, so lets pick up the pace.

I picked the left lane to drive thru. It was more convenient, and haf no line, unlike the right side which had traffic. The I JUST MET YOU song had just ended a second ago and I heard the beginning of 8675309 and turned off the radio out of of respect for the Checkers employee. My windows were already rolled down when I heard

“This is Rally, How may I help you,” she asked…

She sounded hot as fuck

“I’m sorry, I thought this was Checkers”, I replied…

She began to laugh pretty hard after this smooth move. I could hear her adorable laugh thru the intercom.

“Your funny, kind of Ironic I know, she said.

Checkers is a fast food company that shares it’s brand with another name called Rally’s, which is why it’s ironic. I’ve never even been to a Rallys, but Everytime I go to checkers I get my food in a paper bag and always notice both names on it. For all I knew Rallys could have been a guy, but that wasn’t the case with this lady. Now let’s get back to the conversation, she wasn’t quite finished after she conceded to the irony.

“For all the years I’ve worked here, I’ve never had anyone say anything so clever to me, thank you so much for making my day that much better”, Rally said…

Now I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or what, her laugh seemed legit, but maybe I was misinterpreting signals again. Perhaps I should tread light with this one. For all I know she could be ugly as sin. I just got my heart broken less than a week ago and I’m just hoping for a few more good fries.

“Im sorry if I was being too smart of an ass for you,” I replied…

“No not at all, have you heard about our dollar fries any size deal?” Rally asked…

“Yeah, it’s what got me out of bed this morning”, I replied…

Not even a quarter of a second went by when I heard more laughter coming from the intercom. It was so loud that I heard that ringing noise coming from the speaker. Little did she know that I was serious when I said that.

“Oh my gosh, you are hilarious. What can I get for you”, she asked…

” I’ll have a simple order, because I’m a simple man. May I have 4 large fries and a Medium Coke please”, I finished…

“Absolutely, your total is $5.89. Will see you at the window sly”, she finished…

It was pretty fucking fantastic to hear someone call me sly, it may have been a first for me, at the very least, virgin to my ears thru an intercom.

“Thank you” I replied…

I pulled up slowly and looked in my rear view mirror. My thick black hair was a mess, my five a clock shadow was more of a ten a clock and my right nostril had few long hairs in them.

POP!!!

“Fuck”, I shouted

The mirror on the right side of my charger just hit the red poll, but luckily didn’t break off. It just snapped forward and stayed in place. For some odd reason it was just nicked. Later on that afternoon I was able to clean it off with a rag. After I slammed on my breaks, I took a moment to prepare. I took my mirror not snapping off as a lucky sign, so maybe I should give Rally a chance. I needed to do some work with my hair, there had to be something I could use to slick it back. I had a bunch of McDonald’s bags still scattered around my car, a shit load of them on the passenger side. As I felt around the rubble I noticed a stick of deodorant hiding down the endless supply of McDonald’s bags. It was Degree, the clearish purple looking stick. Let’s just say I worked with what I had. I took off it’s lid and grabbed a chunk of it and ran it through my hair. It worked so well that I looked like the fonze. My hair was slicked perfectly back.

Now if only there’s something I can do with this nose hair. I noticed a lighter bundled under some left over fries in my cup holder. I grabbed it and put it up to my right nostril, which is where the hair was and I sparked the

BEEEEEP!!!

“Ah, FUCK”!!! I shouted with pain

I had sparked my lighter in the perfect position to where it wouldn’t have hurt , but the car behind me made it burn more than it needed to. The good news was that I smelled burnt hair and even though there’s a good possibility that Ill have a severe burn later, it will not show up right away, which means I will still look good for my lady. I pulled up to the window and realized that I had a problem. There was no fucking passenger with me. I was going have
to lean out of my sit to make any contact with this woman and than I saw her…

She slid open her door open and said

“Hey, hansom, that will be $5.89” , she said…

She was so sophisticated and lovely. She had frizzy dark brown hair with glasses, a few hot frekles and nice olive White skin. She was wearing a checkers uniform that was tidied

“Hey, I didn’t even think twice about this being a passenger lane”, I told her… But I like your shirt, I finished…

I awkwardly handed her my cash stretcharmstrong style… I manuevered my body like a fucking Olympian to give her the money.

“Your so cute”, she said. You’d be surprised how often it happens”.. “It’s actually my last day here, so they let me get free and spiritual with my uniform”. .”So what’s your name”? She asked…

She was so attractive that she made me feel nervous, it took me a second to fork over my name to her.

“It’s Ronald”, I said… As I handed her the exact amount of change.

“Well, I’m so glad to have met you Ronald, she said”. “Your order will be out in just a moment”…

She walked away and was gone for quite some time. If I wasn’t so star struck I would have complained about how I was waiting. Picture what it would be like to make a move here. There was a lot of distance between us and I can’t even think straight. It was the first time in ages I didn’t instinctively look down at a woman’s breast. I was so drawn in by her beautiful face and I forgot to metion her breathtaking blue eyes. Something about this chick did it for me, but I feel like I may Chicken out. They say not to let rejection keep you from swinging, but love hurts and I just don’t know what to do here…

“Here you go”, she said…

I once again stretched out of my car to reach for my fries and soda. I grabbed the bag first and the soda second which was larger than the medium I had ordered.

“Thank you”, I said…

“Maybe I’ll see you again one day” she replied…

“Who knows” I responded and drove away…

I don’t think I could have given a more stupid reply. I went thru all of this shit with the deodorant and the lighter to leave my balls at the footsteps of love. I drove ferosiusly out of Checkers and onto the road. I was cramming fries down my face like a pregnant heafer halfway through the process. I grabbed for my straw in the bag when I saw a red light coming up. I took off the straw protection and poked it through my lid with force, and that’s when it jammed. I was at a complete stop at this point. I was having difficultty getting my straw through the hole. I opened up my lid to see a plastic container floating on top of my soda, which was half full by the way. It was the same kind that the sticker machine dispensed at checkers, except it wasn’t a sticker, it was a piece of paper that said

” Call me maybe” with her name and phone number

 

 

This was the follow up to A few good fries. This was a sequel people. If you haven’t read the first one than your in for some more grease.

A few good fries

https://www.google.com/amp/s/gastradamus.wordpress.com/2017/04/13/a-few-good-fries/amp/