She was the cutest pooch alive and I was her fat owner. I saw her sleeping peacefully on the couch. She looked a lot like the taco bell mascot, you know a chuwawa. I didn’t want to wake her, so I laid down on the floor next to the sofa. The couch had to be a foot above from where I was laying. My stomach began to rumble and than mumble, “Quit eating so much you fat fuck”.
I heard the sound of a Jingle coming from her collar. My pups face slowly emerged from the couch. She was slow to get up, and half a sleep. Her eyes looked so cute when they first opened.
“Hey pookie”, I said
After a minute of cute gestures, my dog picked up the pace and woke up with energy. She looked like she wanted to jump, but was hesitant.
“It’s ok baby, you can jump”, I told her.
She put one paw forward and looked like she was going to take a leap. However, she did not. She stepped back to her original stance and looked at me like I was suppose to do something for her
She started to howl.
“Howwwwweeeeeel”… She said.
“Come on girl”, “its OK”. I told her
My words of encouragement were no match for this battle. Something else had to be done. My dogs patience grew thin and Her howl turned into a bark.
“Ruff”, “Ruff”… She said.
I could tell she wanted to get down, but was afraid. So I did what any fat owner in my shoes would have done for his family without actually having to get up.
I managed to stick my belly out as far as it went. My stomach was so large that I was able to pop it out like a blowfish. It was nearly on level with the couch just inches below my dogs paws.
“Come on now”, I said.
After that being said, I started making monkey noises that I can’t quite put to paper.
I slapped my hand up and down against my lard which produced a sound, similar to that of a drum which went well with the monkey sound effects I was making that I picked up from The Planet of the Apes.
She climbed down onto my belly and used it like a stool. Once she made it to the ground, another production was put out when I shart myself. My pup was wagging her tail around with excitement. She looked like she was laughing at me, the same gesture a dog makes while panting
BLOWFISH
My chihuahua uses my rear end as the springboard to exit the sofa. She is confident that it will never have any unfortunate consequences because I am a lady of style and class 😉
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That’s pretty funny Osyth. Yeah I don’t think it’s possible for someone like you shart. Would have to agree with that one. Are things going a little better for you?
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It IS possible but not probable 😉 Things are going dandy dory but I have a slight glitch to sort out in Paris next week. There are worst places on earth to have a glitch so I will make the most of it!
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Made me laugh out loud – the things we’ll do for our pets – without overexerting ourselves.
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Glad I’m not the only one. Glad it made you laugh and thanks for stopping by
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Thanks for the love on my poetry and for following me.
Patrick
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You got it pal
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Nice piece
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Thanks everlasting. Your thoughts on others would be incredible
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Fresh and very very funny!
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Thank you so much Laura. I’ve got other material if your interested. The Writers Block is pretty popular and bookmark is gaining some momentum. Thanks for the visit and I hope to see your feedback on the others
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Absolutely! I’ll check out more of your pieces, Cheers, Laura
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Reminds me of having to hold a chair above my head as a lift (elevator) for cats trapped on roof.
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I’m glad we’re on the same page. Always so great to see you here. Would love your thoughts on the others buddy.
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Tried to email you re drawing, your inbox full 6:30 PM EST, USA
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Only a pet owner can fully appreciate the hilarity of this one! Love it. Thanks for being the first to follow my brand new baby blog, Voices in my Head. I’m still struggling to figure out the in’s and out’s of WordPress usage, hence I don’t fully yet understand the whole dynamic of responding to “follow’s” etc. All in good time . . .
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Yeah I’m still learning too. Thank you so much for the feedback and if you ever want me to read your work, just let know
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Thanks Oregon
How’s the blog doing. Will check it out later tonight
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