A bar on the beach always attracts seagulls. Some refer to them as beach bums, while others may see them different. The dive was ocean front on a long bridge high above the water. There were locals who worked there and regulars that would drink. It also attracted tourist.

Its theme was tiki like. If the Polynesian resort at Walt Disney World had sex with South of the border this bar would be it’s offspring.

A Spaniard was the bartender. He was one of the locals who helped run the joint. He opened in the morning and was the only staffer there. His job was simple. Chucking oysters, Pouring drinks and keeping bums out.

He wasn’t one to mess with. Your first instinct would be don’t fuck with this guy. The Spaniard had long black hair slicked back and was built like an ox. He didn’t speak the best English and had an accent like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had on a black muscle shirt and black jeans. Tats could be seen running up his arms.

He Just finished setting things up for the day when his first customer sat down on a stool. A tourist with curly grey hair Wearing a tie die Mickey Mouse shirt with a speedo took a seat.

“What you want”? The Spaniard asked

He spoke to customers like this on a regular basis. He was that type of bartender who felt like they were doing you the favor.

“A dozen oysters please”. , The tourist said

The Spaniards oysters were the best in town. He chucked them like a champion. His dad was a chucker, his grandpa was a chucker. He took pride in his oysters and found them to be sacred.

“What you Drinkin”? The Spaniard asked

“A Budweiser”. the tourist responded

A beach bum came sneaking up from behind covered in sun burned Sandy skin and board shorts. His face had spots of dirt and his hair was long and blond like a rockstar from the 1980s.

“Can I have one”? The bum asked

“OUT OF HERE”! The Spaniard screamed

“What’s your problem”?, “chill out dude”. The seagull said

The Spaniard took out a spray bottle and squirted the seagull.

” Stop”, “Your messing up my hair man”. The seagull replied

“SHUUUU”!, The Spaniard replied in his strong accent, while continuing to spray the seagull.

“Ahhhhhh” the seagull replied.

And that’s not a scream ahhh, that’s an open up ahhh, like a dentist ask for. The seagull was embracing the mist and opened up his mouth to catch the water and moaned like buffalo bill from the silence of the lambs.

“Is that necessary”? The tourist responded

“No worries”, “it’s the best water I’ve had all week”. The seagull responded before the Spaniard had a chance to reply to the tourist.

” Your speedo necessary”? The Spaniard replied

“Don’t tell me how to dress”. the tourist said

“don’t tell me how to do job”. The Spaniard replied

The tourist looked at the seagull and asked him

“Whatchamacallit”? The tourist asked

“I’ll have a Budweiser “. The seagull replied.

“You heard the man”. The tourist replied

“Fine”, the Spaniard replied.

The Spaniard exited the scene to prepare the oysters. He didn’t give two fucks about getting them there beers first.

“Thanks for the beer”. The seagull replied

” If he ever brings them” . The tourist replied.

“So are you just visiting”? The seagull asked

“What gave it away”? The tourist asked.

“Well locals don’t wear tidie”. The seagull replied

“Yeah”, “I guess I’m just visiting”. “I cant get enough of this view”. The tourist said

“Its fucking beautiful man”, “it’s why I never leave”. The seagull replied

“You think the schmuck who chucks for a living will bring us our beers over there”? The tourist asked.

There were stools and tables placed near the balcony from the bridge which gave you an even closer view of the sea.

“I don’t know man”, “it’s a beautiful sight”, “but getting that close makes me feel woozy”. , the seagull replied

“Come on man”, “quit being such a pussy”. The tourist replied

The seagull started cracking up

” Whatever you say man”. The seagull replied

The two got up and moved to the other location. The seagull looked below and had an uneasy feeling.

“It’s such a long way down”. the seagull said

“At least it’s not overlooking concrete”. the tourist replied

“It might as well be”. the seagull suggested

“How you figure”? The tourist asked

“A fall like that would turn your body into jello”. He replied

“I think your wrong”. The tourist said

“I like Doritos too much to be a vegetable my whole life”. The seagull responded

“You holding out on me”? The tourist asked

“What do you mean”? The seagull said

“You look higher than a fucking kite”. The tourist suggested

“I’m just high on life man”. The seagull told him

The Spaniard came sneaking up from behind and set the tray of oysters down on their table.

“Hey”, “You forgot our beers man” the seagull said

“Fuck off seagull”. Spaniard replied

“Just get our beers “. The tourist said

“Fuck off tourist” . Spaniard responded

The tourist let the rude behavior go and offered the seagull an oyster.

“Would you like some”? he asked

“I think I’ll wait for my beer first” the seagull responded

“Sure”, “You better hurry though, these things taste better than sex”. “I don’t know how long there going to last”. The tourist responded

The Spaniard was quick about bringing the beers, setting them down before they saw them coming

“These are amazing” the tourist said

“I bring napkin for you”. Spaniard replied

“Why thank you sir”. The tourist replied

“I bring napkin for you”, “but not for seagull”. The Spaniard responded while at the same time walking away.

“And for a second I thought he had a soul”. The tourist said amongst the seagulls company.

The tourist looked down at the table and noticed two Corrina’s with a couple of limes sticking out from the top.

“You want to send these back”?, the tourist asked

“I don’t mind Corrina”, “the seagull responded

“I think there’s a language barrier or something”. The tourist said while putting his lime into his bottle.

“Thanks again”. The seagull replied who also grabbed his lime, only he didn’t put in into his beer. Instead he threw it to a bird that was close by chirping away in hopes for scraps. The seagull picked it up with its beak and left just as quick as its stay.

“This is the life man, you ready to try one? The tourist asked

“I am”. the seagull finished

The Spaniard was on his way back to the table to deliver the tourist his napkin. The seagull grabbed the fork and took out the meat from the oyster and maneuvered it into his beer bottle and it floated like a lime would with a Corrina.

The Spaniards face lit up with Horror and anger. His pace increased as he saw the seagulls bottle inch closer to his lips.

“What the fuck are you doing”?, the tourist asked

The seagull took a sip from the beer as juices from the oyster marinated its liquids into the brew.

The Spaniard came from behind and grabbed the seagull by his shorts and tossed him over the balcony.


The seagulls ahhh this time was a scream.

“NOOOOOOOO”! The tourist shouted, while looking over the balcony seeing his new friend fall into the sea

The tourist punched the Spaniard in the face and felt some of his teeth break against his fist as the ox fell to the ground. The tourist looked down into the ocean and couldn’t see the seagull anywhere.

“It’s such a long way down”. the seagull said

“At least it’s not overlooking concrete”. the tourist replied

“It might as well be”. the seagull suggested

“How you figure”? The tourist asked

“A fall like that would turn your body into jello”. He replied

“I think your wrong”. The tourist said

The tourist took a leap of faith and jumped off the balcony. The Spaniard got up, looked down into the ocean and smiled as blood came pouring out of his gums.