You always asked how I came up with the most brilliant toy ever. You’ve been pesterin me for years, but every dog has it’s day and I’m starting to grow old, so I suppose Ill tell you how it all started.

It was a routine delivery. Back in those days you could drink scotch and smoke cigarettes while a mother was giving birth. It was The American Dream. Half way to hammered was the way to prep for a 300 pound hippo pushing out life. I can remember the screams from the so called pain it caused her. Back in Harvard Med, they described giving labor equivalent to that of mild constipation. Those at Brown University described it as exaggerated hormones. I flunked out of both schools before deciding to become a nurse.

When the new born came out I was asked to make the snip. The half lit doctor was too baked to notice anything unusual. To my suprise the umbilical cord looked like a metal spring covered In fluids that I will neither subscribe to or describe. The snip was made and i rushed towards the sink and washed out the gunk, than slipped it into my pocket.

By the time I got home, I couldn’t put the thing down. I felt weird playing with it but its flow was natural. It’s sprang was full of spunk. It sprung so eloquently between my hands that it made me feel like a kid again jumping on a matress. I knew I wasn’t the only one it brought joy to when I had to give a tubby kid a shot. He was crying his eyes out. I offered him a lollipop and he refused. The colored Band-Aids didn’t do the trick either and the attitude from his mom wasn’t helping. She was offended that there weren’t any black ones offered, so I brought out the big guns and handed him the metal umbilical cord and his tears vanished as he played with it like a toy. The mom acknowledged her sons spiritual awakening by mentioning his name which was very unusual. “See Slinky, it’s not so bad, she told him.

It was a crazy name for a kid but not a bad name for the product he was holding. Pretty soon I pitched the idea to one of the Chinese doctors who ended up being a fucking genuis. It was mass produced in doctor’s offices and hospitals throughout the United States of America. When we first released the product to healthcare facilities they called it a shot soother and when Mr Wu and I got tired of making triple figures, We pattented the product and sold it to toy manufactures around the world under the name of Slinky.

The American Dream