It was the morning after Thanksgiving and I had the morning after Thanksgiving shits. I was staying over at my aunt and uncle’s place and the bathroom closest to me was occupied, so I knocked on the door.
“Hey”, “Aunt Jackie you gonna be much longer, I’ve got to take a shit.” I asked
“Go to your Uncle’s”, “I’m putting on my face”. She replied
“I don’t want to wake him”, “I’m about to have an accident”, “Can you put your makeup on out here”, I asked.
” I can’t do both at the same time”, she replied.
“You can’t do what at the same time”, i asked?
I heard the sound of shit breaking. It sounded like diarrhea and I got the message loud and clear. I walked to my uncle’s room and accidently woke him up from his sleep when I opened the door.
“What’s going on”?, he asked
“It’s ok Uncle Frank, I just have to use your bathroom, Aunt Jackies in the other one.
“Do you have to pee”? He asked
“No”, “I have to shit”. I replied
“Well let me use it real quick”, “I just have to pee”, “I know your gonna be a while”. He said
“All right” i replied
I heard the stream.
“That’s one strong stream” i said
The stream stopped for a brief moment and then i heard a toot. After the fart the stream continued on for what felt like forever.
“Yeah” ,”I try to drink plenty of water”, “kidney stones run in the family”, “your father had them”. He said
“You don’t say”. I responded
“Anyways”, “she’s all yours”. “Be gentle with her”. He said
I came, saw and conquered that toilet. The shit current flowing out of my ass was like Niagra falls. It wasn’t gentle at all. It sounded similar to my aunt Jackie’s mishap. I guess diarrhea runs in the family too. When I tried to flush, it was clogged. My uncle told me I had to hold down the lever and that I would have to wait for the water to refill before attempting to flush it again. I had some time, it took a few minutes. There was a window that looked like it hadn’t been opened for a while, so I decided to crack it. It worked and the sight was beautiful. You could see different colored leafs piling up on the grass and hear the sound of nature. After a couple of minutes I shut it.
“Your window works”, I told my uncle
“I never used it before”, he replied
“Yeah” “It opens up and everything” I said
“You can leave it open” he replied
“I shut it already”. I told him
“You can open it back up if you want.” He responded
“Its ok Uncle Frank”, “I won’t be here
much longer”. I told him
“Ehhhhh”, he let out a grunt
“You want me to open it” I asked
“I don’t care”. My uncle replied
“If you want me to open it”, “I can open it”. I assured him
“Go ahead and open it back up”. He said.
“Ok”, i replied.
So I cracked the window back open, flushed the toilet, this time holding down the lever and everything went the way it was supposed to go. You could tell by the view outside that Christmas was right around the corner.